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Tonight I watched TV

Friday, October 21, 2005 by Jeff

Channel 1 ...not scheduled to complete deployment to theater until the first of next calendar year, receiving 824 new production Up-Armor Humvees while there remains an immediate need in theater for these vehicles for both the Army and the Marine Corps? Channel 2 ...and I'm afraid of fish. I had to stay underwater for fifteen hours...in a mermaid fin! That couldn't have been comfortable! It wasn't, Jay! I was with sharks! Did I mention that I'm afraid of sharks? Well, that's not just any fish...I mean...when a giant fish is coming at you with jaws going like this...I think that's normal to be afraid!" (laughs) Channel 1 ...I understand the Marines have an Up-Armor Humvee requirement of 2,814 but only have 744 of these vehicles on hand in Iraq -- just over 25 percent of their requirement. I also understand that the Army has fulfilled its theater requirement for Up-Armor Humvees, yet the 3rd ID... Channel 3 Hey! Sorry I kept you waiting so long. Hey that’s okay. So, where do you want to go? Oh ah, I think you know where I want to go. The Hard Rock Café? Yeah! Again?! (Laughs) Yeah! ...I’m telling you, I like the food! (Laughs) You like the Purple Rain display! Hey Bob... Channel 1 ...persistent surveillance solutions, we must maintain a high priority on fielding the Up-Armor Humvee to protect our warfighters. We need to better understand why the Army has a policy that does not appear to be meeting the objective in the timeliest possible manner. Welcome, Secretary Harvey, General Cody. Thank you for being here today. Chairman Hunter and members of the committee: General Cody, General Speakes, and I are here today to discuss the Army's efforts to provide the Marines..." Channel 2 ...when the movie comes out. It was fantastic working with him - what a sexy guy! Don't you agree? (applause) Oh, oh...I've got to tell you what happened the first day on the set in my trailer. Channel 1 Let me reiterate, there is nothing more important than protecting the service men and women we send daily into harms way. The Army is totally committed to providing the highest level of protection, to include fielding a fleet of Level I Humvees in theater, and we... Channel 3 Because he’s terrible! Okay, he’s slow, he burns things, last night he lit my pastry chef on fire! (Laughs) Well maybe he was just nervous, y’know you can be very intimidating. And besides I’ve met your pastry chef and she can stand to be taken down a peg or two. (Laughs) Well, now she has no eyebrows, mission accomplished. (Laughs) But Monica, he loves his job so much! Can you just give him another chance? Please? All right, but if-if he lights someone else on fire he is out of there!

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Jeff A. Larson
Sociologist, Arizona.


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